Cherington frustrated at Jose Iglesias success -- wants him shot

In a shocking turn of events, Ben Cherington says that Jose Iglesias needs to be shot to quell the frustration of success that is permeating the club house.

'A simple execution should be enough to finally stop his relentless hitting and fielding.  It's time our elite shortstop J.D. Drew -- now hitting .209 and striking out 50% of the time back into the lineup to bring stability and peace.'

Cherington does admit that Jose's success is frustrating and adds that...

"Fortunately, sabermetrics offers a tremendous amount of B.S. (Baseball stats) that we can use to argue that this is a fluke and he's a bad player.  We have PCA (pitch count average) which measures the amount of pitches each player receives as a function of success.  Jose gets long counts and according to PCS (pitch count success) as well as HDA (hit distance average) and of course our personal favorite 'BWVSS (bat weight versus shoe size) we have a player on his way to disaster.  I'm afraid we have to consider an immediate execution.  We'll give him his choice of firing squad or being thrown from an airplane -- we will give him a free pair of Boze headphones with the Red Sox label of course.  We're not insane.'

While the execution date is still up in the air, Cherington promises he will continue to cripple the lineup until the Sox slowly fade away to oblivion at short.

"We've had Julio Lugo as well as tons of other shortstops that are horrible and we will not quit until we get a combination of Manny Ramirez, Josh Beckett and Bobby Jenks at short.  Have no fear."

Ben is also concerned about the closer position but is pleased by the present closer's success.

"He's pretty awful so we won't shoot him but let me tell you...Clay B...watch out."

I'm Joe Derive.