The Joe Derive Show

Hey everyone and welcome to the new Joe Derive show. That's right, I'm on radio and that means I get to have guests talk to me live and what better guest to start the season that good old Julio Lugo. Hey Julio.

"Hey Joe. Great to be here. Glad I have a lot of time now to do such things."

"Right, you're a free agent and...sorry about that. "

"No worries, no worries, I still got my radio show. The only locally produced show in the Detroit area at the 3:00 am hour is something to be proud of and I have a restaurant too!"

"Really, that's great. Where is it. "

"In Colorado. One block from Arnie's. He's a blogger on the Red Sox blog. I opened it up to honor Mike Lowell. The restaurant was called the Flame Thrower. "

"Was called?"

"Well, that's a long story."

"You know Julio, I can't quite get the connection between a flame thrower and a restaurant. "

"Quick heating of food ya know. I mean, I use an actual flame thrower to get the food cooked quick. It was my idea you know. I used it first on the surprise party of Mike Lowell. It worked out great. "

"Oh ya, how's Mike liked it. "

"Oh ya know, we had a problem but ya know, skin grafts and all have come a long way so he should be fine. "

"Wait, did you set Mike Lowell on fire?"

"Actually the better, more accurate response would be that Mike and my restaurant may have caught a flame or two but both can be rebuilt...some...ah..easier than others but ya know, Mike dropped the lawsuit...so maybe Arnie can to."

"Wait, why is Arnie suing you."

"Hey, it's not Lugo's fault that the fire spread OK. I never used a flame thrower before and just to note...flame throwers cannot put out fires so let everyone know that. Believe me I tried. "

"I have to take a breath for a second Lugo so hold on. OK...now what do you think of the Red Sox this year?"

"Well, of course the glory days are over when I won the World Series for them in 1782 or whenever it was but ya, know, it's OK. I mean I think Toto Francona is gonna do a great job. "

"Tito."

"Toto right?"

"No, he's not the Lone Ranger's sidekick. It's Tito."

"Oh, Tito...no wonder Toto he always gave me a dirty look. Man am I dumb."

"It's Tito, and ya well, let's no go there, and thank you for being on the Joe Derive show. Wish you well."

"Ya well, I'm considering a ton of offers. I just have to decide which ones. Let me tell ya about a few of them like..."

"Well, good luck with that. Sorry to cut you off but gotta go."

OK that's it for the Joe Derive show. See you next time.

Tid Bits from Joe Derive

Tidbits

Ya wanna know what's nice about Florida? Its when you deal with a bunch of inflated egos and insecurity complexes, its nice to sit in the sun and sip a smoothie because its the only way I can cope. Believe it or not, reporting sports is utterly insane. I mean it. Take Bobby Jenks and Ozzie Guillen. I mean, did these two graduate from gorilla school?

Here's how it started. Bobby decides to complain about Ozzie as a manager. Then Ozzie decides to trash Bobby as if he's the worst human being on the planet. What a few comments about the bullpen have anything to do with popularity of a player is beyond me but I'm not drilling holes in my head to figure it out. Ozzie, be quiet and act like a manager. Bobby, be quiet and act like a grownup.

Now that's not all. Dice-K, who's always good for putting 'be stupid' on his todo list, decides he needed to 'work' on some stuff and that's why he played the game so badly. Can you see Dice-K as a surgeon?

“I'm sorry mam. I wanted to perform the bypass, but I had to work on my stitching technique which is why your husband have fifteen deep surgical scars all over his body. Fortunately I was pleased with my stitching technique. “

Well, thankfully Dice-K isn't a surgeon. Here's some info for ya Dice-K. Stop the B.S.!

In other news, Josh Beckett got struck in the head with a baseball. I would suggest next time a bazooka get used for tossing balls around. I'd love to see Ino Guerrero and some of his home improvement projects.

“Hey I just thought that a flame thrower would be quicker to take down the old deck instead of dismantling it. How as I supposed to know it would burn down the entire block of homes!”

Here's a hint. Think!

On other news, Dustin Pedroia went snacking at the snack bar ordering hot dogs. Hey Dustin, do you honestly think this is the healthy way to start of a good day? You do know there is hardly any real food in that. Can you see Dustin as a nutritionist.

“Well, ya Kit-Kat's would be OK and ya I love those McDonald's hot apple pies and let's not forget donuts. Oh the cream filled are awesome...what you have a heart condition. I wouldn't worry about it. “

Well Dustin, good luck there!

Finally Manny Ramirez and Johnny Damon on one team. Man I almost feel bad for Maddon. When two big egos go under one roof – you're the loser!

I'm Joe Derive and see you next time.